So, during our trip to Puerto Rico I had the opportunity to sit with a fortune teller from the island and have my cards read. I have been wanting to do this for a while now. The husband hasn't always been 100% behind this for fear that they will tell me something that I do not want to hear and that it will cause me more worry. But the chance literally fell into my lap this time. At a dinner that the hubby's company was hosting, they had paid for various local entertainers to be there. Fortune tellers were hired. ;)
After waiting for nearly 45 minutes, I finally sat down with the dark haired and somewhat exotic looking card reader. She shuffled the deck, and asked me to split it into 3 different stacks with my left hand. Then I was to flip the top card of each stack, again using my left hand. One stack represented my past. One my present. And one my future.
**Word in italics below represent my thoughts on the reading of each card.
My Past- She saw that I had a happy & vibrant childhood & that I was creative in my youth. She really loved this card for me. She looked back at it more than once & touched it and just smiled. She told me that many people in my adult life were not always aware of the happy girl beneath the surface of the adult me, but she was there.
Dead on. I had a wonderful childhood. :) I look back on my childhood very fondly. And I was very creative then. My sister & I would play pretend for hours every day. At one point, I had my little sister convinced that the sound of the water pipes banging was little creatures who lived in the walls. I even went so far as to create these little creatures for her once. ;D
I am slow to let people in during my adult life, so there are few who know the playful me well in my adult life.
Present- She saw that I have many people surrounding me that support me, and we can all relate to each other on something. She also said that I am stronger and happier now than I have ever been. She spoke of my spirituality and that there are people in my life who do not understand what I believe because I embrace different things, not just one idea or concept of spirituality. She referred to me several times as a career-oriented and driven person and that I need to relax some.
When she mentioned the support system I have, I automatically thought of my gals on Twitter and my fellow bloggies whom I can relate to on trying to conceive and pregnancy loss. I teared up a little when she said that. I am stronger and happier now than I have been in YEARS. I had some very tough times the past 3-4 years and I can honestly say I have come out of it a better woman. She was right on about my spirituality. I was raised Christian, but not all of that clicks with me. There are elements of Buddhism that speak deeply to me. My spirituality is not any one particular religion. And for that, I have had devoted Christian friends and family members not always understand me or agree with my thoughts or beliefs. I am not really career-oriented at this time in my life- one of the first things she got wrong. ;)
Future- She flat out told me that I worry too much. I worry about this, worry about that. And I have apparently been doing a lot of that lately. She told me that I need to calm down, and breathe and just live life in the moment, and not always worry so much about the future. She even suggested that I start meditation. :) She said all my worrying wasn't necessary because she sees great happiness in my future.
Yes, yes, and yes. I had been worrying more than I would like to admit since we found out I am expecting again. Thoughts of loss, and of something being wrong, worry was creeping in everywhere- my thoughts, my dreams, waking me up at night... And I actually have been considering mediation since reading about it in one of the pregnancy books I have been reading. :)
After feeling pretty good about her reading, and knowing that most of what she said was specific to me and not just some generic reading, I took a deep breath and asked her the question I had been dying to utter since I had sat down at her tiny table- What do you see for me as far as children goes? She smiled and told me that she sees 2 children. She pointed to my present card and said, "one here", and then to the future card and said, "one here". I then told her I was pregnant and that I had miscarried before. She told me the 2 before I was not meant to hold now, but that this one now I would hold. She told me to talk to the baby, tell him or her that I would be holding them soon and would take care of them. She said that I need to take care of myself, and again, to not worry so much. ;)
I found it very uncanny that she knew that I already have a child in the present. That blew me away because I had said nothing to her about my son.
I walked away from her table with a renewed feeling of confidence and peace. If nothing else, I at least felt that I was now in the right frame of mind for this pregnancy and that could make all the difference this time.