I am soaking in the babyness... as much as I can. Every single day. Every single minute. I know that sooner than I think I will look back at her moments as a chubby, smiling baby and wonder how it could possibly have gone by so quickly. Just like I do everyday when I look at my 13 year old son. I remember when he was small enough to comfortably snuggle on my chest and would fall asleep on me with an angelic peacefulness. Sometimes when I walk into his room on the weekend and he is sleeping in, I can still still see that perfect baby boy asleep on my chest.
There were moments not too long ago that I didn't believe there would ever be a baby of my own in my arms again. That I would never to get to press my nose to a head of soft baby hair and breathe in that sweet baby smell. In those moments, I lovingly picked up my son's baby book and turned the pages wishing that somehow I could have back just one of those days with him as my sweet baby boy again. Just one more day to soak in his babyness. I vowed that if God saw to it to bless me with just one more healthy baby that I wouldn't take one moment with him or her for granted. That I would cherish each yawn, each coo, each cuddle. And that I wouldn't worry too much about all the things on my to-do list for that day and would instead soak that baby in. My to-do lists will be there tomorrow, next week, in 5 years. That sweet baby would not be. I already knew all too well that that squishy baby would grow into a wonderful young man or woman before I was ready for it.
So today I breathe in the way she smells like a sweet creamsicle after her bath. I carve into my memory her beautiful baby smiles when I talk and sing silly to her. I soak in the sound of her breathing when she is fast asleep on my lap after nursing herself to a full belly. I record the way she is so content and observant in her sling as we take a walk around the lakes on a warm spring evening. I plant as many kisses as I can on her soft baby cheeks. I even cherish the moments when she is so tired and she is fighting sleep, and fussing and crying and all she wants is for daddy to gently pat her on her back and lay on his chest until she closes her eyes to the sound of his heart beating.
We co-sleep, I babywear, I breastfeed... A few have hinted that maybe we are spoiling her. But in all honesty I feel that maybe I am the one who is being spoiled. I am going to soak in her babyness as long as I possibly can. And I will be sad and proud when the day comes that she can no longer snuggle comfortably into my chest and fall asleep. But for now, while she is still small, I will let her lay on my chest and fall asleep as often as is possible. <3