Frugal Foodie Mama: The Easily Fertiles vs The Struggling Fertiles/Infertiles?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Easily Fertiles vs The Struggling Fertiles/Infertiles?

There seems to be a war waging in the social media world between those women who easily (wham, bam, thank ya, ma'am) get knocked up and those women whose ovaries and uteruses fail to cooperate with the simple directive to reproduce... 

Is there a protocol for when a fertile woman or even a previously struggling fertile/infertile woman should make a cyber world announcement of an impending bundle (or in some cases, bundles) of joy?  What is Facebook/MySpace (some people still use that, right?)/Twitter etiquette for making such a profound status update to all that they know and love?  As soon as the plus sign pops up on the test?  (Yes, there are people who actually do that.)  After the first prenatal appointment?  (Seems to be widely accepted as standard by the Easily Fertiles.)  Once you hear a heartbeat and have finally hit that second trimester milestone?  (I think the Struggling Fertiles/Infertiles may be divided on this one.)  When physically you can no longer hide it?  (I mean, people are already thinking you are preggers by now or are curious if you've swallowed a large grapefruit whole.)  And why this battle?  Are the Easily Fertiles rubbing it in the faces of the Struggling Fertiles/Infertiles when they excitedly tap out their "OMG!  I am pregnant!" tweets?  (Those heartless bitches...)

If only the battle could be seen in such a black and white way.  But alas, there is gray.  A lot of gray and in all kinds of shades. 

I am a Struggling Fertile.  One healthy son born to me when I was almost 21 years old.  (I am 33 now.)  Two miscarriages in 12 months (one missed, the other spontaneous- both around the 6-7 wks mark).  And I still am trying to find answers as to why I lost my babies.  Am I angry sometimes?  Yes.  Am I bitter sometimes?  Hell yeah.  Am I jealous of the Easily Fertiles?  I would be lying if I said that I wasn't.  Will that anger, bitterness, jealously get me pregnant and make that baby stick next time?  Probably not.  So what use do those feelings have to me if they won't get me closer to what I most want to have again in this world?

So, on that note, I am laying down my mouse, setting aside my keyboard in this battle.  I will choose to be happy for whomever of my friends, family, cyber pals proudly announce that their lady parts seem to be in full functioning order and are presently sustaining a blastocyst or fetus (depending on when they decide they are comfortable enough in their pregnancies to tell the social media world).  I will be grateful that they will not know what my struggles are like firsthand.  Because let's be honest, how many of us Struggling Fertiles/Infertiles would really want our sisters, best friends, cousins, going through the heartache of IVF, meds and injections, angel babies? That is not to say that I still won't feel that tinge of "why not me?" when I read it.  But I can choose which feelings that I will let own me.  And the only feelings that will be owning me from now on are the ones that will benefit my fertility and my overall well-being.