Frugal Foodie Mama: Infertility Impostor...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Infertility Impostor...

The arrival of National Infertility Awareness Week has me pondering again- where do I fit in?  What am I?  Because sometimes I feel like an impostor- supporting infertility awareness, posting links about infertility on my Facebook page, but not really "fitting in" to the atypical infertile woman mold. 

I have never experienced in-vitro fertilization.  I have never had to jab shots in my ass.  I have never needed to "trigger my follies".  I have never had to experience the dreaded two week wait with the additional burden of thousands of dollars lost if I didn't see a plus sign when I peed on a stick at the end of the wait.  But I know so many lovely ladies who have had to endure all of those things... And I wish them to have a baby as badly as I wish it for myself.

I am a survivor of two miscarriages.  Two consecutive miscarriages.  I am, by medical definition, not infertile.  I can get pregnant.  Staying pregnant seems to be a different story...
And I am still struggling to find the answers as to why I can't seem to carry my babies past the first trimester.  All tests so far have come back a-okay.  So, I still don't know what, if anything is "wrong" with me.  I have no label, no category, no "clique" to belong to really...
And for that, I find that my situation, my feelings, my fears are not as understood by my family and friends as say a woman who has a clear cut label- oh, she has trouble ovulating.  Or, she has endometriosis.  The medical community has told them what is wrong with them, and people seem to understand and empathize more when a concrete, professional explanation for their problems conceiving has been ordained.

I would say our common thread in all of this- those who struggle with diagnosed infertility issues, those who have unexplained infertility, those of us I like to call struggling fertiles- is that we all have the desire and yearning TO BE A MOTHER.  And I believe that is where we all "fit in".  :)


  1. I posted something about this a while back. Hugs!

  2. "Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive OR CARRY A PREGNANCY TO TERM after 12 months of trying to conceive. If you are over the age of 35, the time of trying to conceive is reduced to 6 months."

    It doesn't state how many m/c's classify infertility but it does include the inability to carry a pregnancy to term. And you are right, we all have the desire and yearning to be a mother - and that is where we all fit in! Good post!

  3. Kris- thank you so much for sharing that blog post! That is almost exactly how I feel so much of the time... *sigh*

    Single Mom- I guess I don't fit exactly into that definition either. My OB/GYN says that I am not considered "infertile" because I did sucessfully carry and have my son (even if that was almost 13 years ago). Ahhhhh... limbo!

  4. I have to agree with the other ladies. There's no limbo here. You're in the club. Embrace it! I did in honor of NIAW

  5. I completely understand how you feel. I carried my son with absolutely no problems, but had one miscarriage before him and four since. So, I always feel like I don't count as infertile since I can GET pregnant, I'm just having a lot of trouble STAYING pregnant lately. I often wonder where I fit in and if other infertiles think I don't really count, or I should keep to the edges because I already have a baby, and well, they are still struggling to get there.
    But, we're SOMETHING. Some place dark and hard and full of grief and waiting on hope, just like everyone else.

  6. Thanks @barefootbeauty. Your comment really touched me. We are in very similar places. Have had a child, but desperately want another one. Get to see 2 lines, but not able to keep our babies safe in there for long... Thank you again. ((HUGS))

  7. I wrote an "I don't fit in" post too, so you're in good company!

  8. missohkay- Thanks so much for sharing your blog post. I also read all of the comments from the lovely ladies. Made me feel a little less alone. :)


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