Frugal Foodie Mama: Infertility Impostor...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Infertility Impostor...

The arrival of National Infertility Awareness Week has me pondering again- where do I fit in?  What am I?  Because sometimes I feel like an impostor- supporting infertility awareness, posting links about infertility on my Facebook page, but not really "fitting in" to the atypical infertile woman mold. 

I have never experienced in-vitro fertilization.  I have never had to jab shots in my ass.  I have never needed to "trigger my follies".  I have never had to experience the dreaded two week wait with the additional burden of thousands of dollars lost if I didn't see a plus sign when I peed on a stick at the end of the wait.  But I know so many lovely ladies who have had to endure all of those things... And I wish them to have a baby as badly as I wish it for myself.

I am a survivor of two miscarriages.  Two consecutive miscarriages.  I am, by medical definition, not infertile.  I can get pregnant.  Staying pregnant seems to be a different story...
And I am still struggling to find the answers as to why I can't seem to carry my babies past the first trimester.  All tests so far have come back a-okay.  So, I still don't know what, if anything is "wrong" with me.  I have no label, no category, no "clique" to belong to really...
And for that, I find that my situation, my feelings, my fears are not as understood by my family and friends as say a woman who has a clear cut label- oh, she has trouble ovulating.  Or, she has endometriosis.  The medical community has told them what is wrong with them, and people seem to understand and empathize more when a concrete, professional explanation for their problems conceiving has been ordained.

I would say our common thread in all of this- those who struggle with diagnosed infertility issues, those who have unexplained infertility, those of us I like to call struggling fertiles- is that we all have the desire and yearning TO BE A MOTHER.  And I believe that is where we all "fit in".  :)

8 comments :

  1. I posted something about this a while back. Hugs!

    http://krissyscrambled.blogspot.com/2011/04/am-i-inferior.html

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  2. "Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive OR CARRY A PREGNANCY TO TERM after 12 months of trying to conceive. If you are over the age of 35, the time of trying to conceive is reduced to 6 months."

    It doesn't state how many m/c's classify infertility but it does include the inability to carry a pregnancy to term. And you are right, we all have the desire and yearning to be a mother - and that is where we all fit in! Good post!

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  3. Kris- thank you so much for sharing that blog post! That is almost exactly how I feel so much of the time... *sigh*

    Single Mom- I guess I don't fit exactly into that definition either. My OB/GYN says that I am not considered "infertile" because I did sucessfully carry and have my son (even if that was almost 13 years ago). Ahhhhh... limbo!

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  4. I have to agree with the other ladies. There's no limbo here. You're in the club. Embrace it! I did in honor of NIAW http://mommyodyssey.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/bust-a-myth-miscarriage-marathon/

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  5. I completely understand how you feel. I carried my son with absolutely no problems, but had one miscarriage before him and four since. So, I always feel like I don't count as infertile since I can GET pregnant, I'm just having a lot of trouble STAYING pregnant lately. I often wonder where I fit in and if other infertiles think I don't really count, or I should keep to the edges because I already have a baby, and well, they are still struggling to get there.
    But, we're SOMETHING. Some place dark and hard and full of grief and waiting on hope, just like everyone else.

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  6. Thanks @barefootbeauty. Your comment really touched me. We are in very similar places. Have had a child, but desperately want another one. Get to see 2 lines, but not able to keep our babies safe in there for long... Thank you again. ((HUGS))

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  7. I wrote an "I don't fit in" post too, so you're in good company! http://missohkay.blogspot.com/2010/09/confessions-of-infertile-fraud.html

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  8. missohkay- Thanks so much for sharing your blog post. I also read all of the comments from the lovely ladies. Made me feel a little less alone. :)

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