Frugal Foodie Mama: Grief. Unexpected.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Grief. Unexpected.

Grief takes you by surprise sometimes... It can lie dormant for months, and just like that grip you deep inside again.  Unexpectedly.  And with little or no provocation.  


Today I thought of the little ones I lost so early on in my pregnancies.  How I lost them.  What happened to them.  How they both slipped from my body, from my protection.  Their tiny, tiny bodies being lost to me forever.  Today I thought of how I wish I had them close to me instead of where they both ultimately ended up... flushed away.  I am saddened that what remained of them was not honored how I would have liked.  I think a tiny urn would have done their very brief lives inside of me more honor than what had actually happened to them.  I hate thinking of my babies there.... floating.  They didn't deserve that. But just as I was powerless to protect them inside of me, I was also powerless to protect them once they left me. My heart aches for them...


I am so, so grateful to have my beautiful daughter.  And for my son I was blessed with over 13 years ago.  I know I will see my angels one day.  My sweet babies that I couldn't even name.  I didn't feel like they were ever mine to name.  I know one beautiful day an angel will whisper their names to me as she takes my hand to lead me to them.  To finally hold them both in my arms...

2 comments :

  1. ((hugs)) I can't imagine what you must feel in the loss of your sweet angels.

    Sending you big hugs.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. How sad. :( Miscarriage is something that I fear all the time. I'm currently almost 7 weeks pregnant and I can't WAIT until the biggest, riskiest trimester is over.

    I cannot even IMAGINE what it's like to go through it. I am so sorry for you and anyone else who has ever experienced it.

    ReplyDelete

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