Grief takes you by surprise sometimes... It can lie dormant for months, and just like that grip you deep inside again. Unexpectedly. And with little or no provocation.
Today I thought of the little ones I lost so early on in my pregnancies. How I lost them. What happened to them. How they both slipped from my body, from my protection. Their tiny, tiny bodies being lost to me forever. Today I thought of how I wish I had them close to me instead of where they both ultimately ended up... flushed away. I am saddened that what remained of them was not honored how I would have liked. I think a tiny urn would have done their very brief lives inside of me more honor than what had actually happened to them. I hate thinking of my babies there.... floating. They didn't deserve that. But just as I was powerless to protect them inside of me, I was also powerless to protect them once they left me. My heart aches for them...
I am so, so grateful to have my beautiful daughter. And for my son I was blessed with over 13 years ago. I know I will see my angels one day. My sweet babies that I couldn't even name. I didn't feel like they were ever mine to name. I know one beautiful day an angel will whisper their names to me as she takes my hand to lead me to them. To finally hold them both in my arms...
