Frugal Foodie Mama: Reflection & a Lesson Learned

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Reflection & a Lesson Learned

Sometimes this is all still so surreal to me.  Despite the ultrasound pictures.  Despite the countless times I have heard her little strong heartbeat on my rented Doppler.  Despite how many times I feel her roll, and poke, and bebop inside of me.  Sometimes it is still hard to believe that a little life is growing strong inside of me.  

I cherish each of the moments that I have with her, inside of me... right now.  This may be have been the most difficult thing for me to learn during this pregnancy- living in the present, enjoying every moment of this miracle as fully as I can.  Not always wanting to push the fast forward button to February when my little girl should arrive into this world.  From my losses, I know the sting of not having control, of not always being able to protect a life inside of you.  But if I dwell on those unthinkable possibilities then I will miss out on the precious memories that are being made now.  The quiet moments late at night when my baby girl starts to squirm and wiggle, & I lay my hand across my belly and feel her touch me.  The moments when my son leans down to kiss my belly, his baby sister.  The many times throughout the day that my husband gently rubs my belly, admires my growing profile, & lays his head on my lap & talks to our baby girl.  Maybe the most difficult thing I have had to learn in this pregnancy is how to let go of all the worries & fears & to find Faith.  Not always an easy thing to do when you have experienced so much heartbreak & disappointment in the past.  But the other alternative to having faith is to be bogged down by my anxieties.  And there have been many moments in this journey when I have allowed my mind and heart to be bogged down with the fears & misgivings of not having control over the final outcome.  

It has been a lesson slowly learned over the past 5 months- breathe, enjoy & cherish every single moment of this pregnancy, and keep Faith.